The story of Fred The Cat

FRED
THE CA T

I
mentioned Fred the cat the last time I wrote. Here is the story of
Fred the Cat.

I
rehabbed the entire house my mother, aunt and uncle live in about
twelve years ago, but over the years things have slid. Three people
in their seventies can not keep up the maintenance that needs to be
performed on a house as it ages.

So,
here I am trying to fix up the house again after years of being away.
One of the thing s that had happened was that raccoons had found
their way into an old chimney, broken through that into a utility
area, found their way into a dropped ceiling in my Mothers living
room, and dropped down into her lap (Practically) while she was
watching T.V. With her Cats, and all Hell broke loose. Well, maybe
not all of Hell actually broke loose but I would say a good deal of
it did.

The
Cats were upset, or as we say here in the north country, Pissed off.
The raccoons believed, like Christopher Columbus maybe, that they had
discovered this new place, therefor it was theirs. They did not try
to make peace, however, with the natives like good old Chris did with
my people (Before he stuck it to us, that is…. Just want to keep
the record straight). No. The raccoons believed that both the Cats
and my Mother should move.

Fortunately
raccoons do not always have good access to legal representation, and
these were no exception. So as a result my Brother-In-Law Harry came
and sent them on their way and closed up the area they had been
coming in through. No problem. My Mother lived happily ever after.
The Cats basked in the Sunshine, and I came home to a secure well
maintained home. No.

Cats
are curious about everything. They are probably even curious about
other animals or people, besides themselves, but they would probably
never admit that though. So, instead of leaving well enough alone,
the Cats decided to find out why the raccoons had gotten in, and how,
and if a Cat could do it to, and then of course one cat probably
dared the other, and so while one held the flashlight the other pried
off the fix and got into the chimney. Oh what wonder! What absolute
Joy! A way to get in and out of the house without having to use the
door (Cats love things like this). And so the cats had their way in
and out. Up the roof, into the old chimney, down the chimney, out the
broken block that used to vent the furnace, drop right down on the
furnace and then spring out of the utility room as soon as the door
opened. My mother, who loves Cats, decided in her wisdom that since
the cats had worked this out she should help them along by leaving
the utility room door open. Oh those were happy cats (I assume).

Then
I came along and the first thing I did was shut up the hole. That was
how I met Fred. Fred was the only cat still able to find a way in and
out, and Fred did not believe I had a say in it, and, well, as it
turned out Fred was right. I blocked every hole I could find and Fred
found some new way in. Finally, one late afternoon, I came into the
Kitchen after working all day on closing the roof line up and any
other spot I could find, and announced to Mom that the house was a
cat free zone now. The utility door bumped open and Fred sauntered by
me to the food bowl Mom had put down for him. She had more faith in
the cat than me, well placed too.

That
is how I met Fred. I just declared a truce.

I
thought
,
this rough and tumble cat beat me fair and square, he can stay
.

Fred
seemed like a Male cat. He acted like a male cat. He chased the
female cats around, corralled them (Cats do that, perfectly fine
behaviors for them. I would not recommend you try that at home) So, I
assumed Fred was a male cat.

SURPRISE!!!

Fred
is not a boy cat at all. Not only is Fred not a boy cat. Yes, this
means I had to give him a quick exam, have you ever had a cat jump up
on your lap and turn around and stick their butt in your face? Sure
you have. Cat’s do that all the time. They think you Want to
see their butt. Okay, it was at one of these times that I noticed
Fred was not Anatomically equipped to be a boy cat. Right Fred was
missing a few things and had a few things he shouldn’t have had.

“Hey,
Ma!” I yelled. “Fred’s not a boy cat!”

“You’re
a quick thinker,” Mom said. “I told you he might not be.”

Might
not be,” I said defensively.

“Well
I guess I can change that to definitely isn’t,” Mom said
and went back to watching General Hospital.

What
could I say. Fred cocked her head back to me as if to ask if I got a
good enough look. Cat’s are such smart asses, then jumped down and
sauntered away.

End
of story, except, Fred is looking distinctly fat… Fatter. Mom and I
have come to a consensus, Fred the cat is probably pregnant. I said,
“Well I thought Fred was just hanging out with those male cats
’cause they were his buddies!”

“Oh,
they were her buddies alright,” Mom said wisely.

OTHER
THINGS

We
have a little kitten who likes to climb my leg while I’m typing. The
she looks at me like, Oh … Were you typing? It’s me! The kitty!
Let’s play! I’m cute! I’m also persistent. I’ll keep stepping on your
keyboard and attacking you thumbs (Which hang off the edge of the key
board as I type) Until you pay attention to me! Gotta go before she
actually manages to chew a hole through my thumb… Dell…

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